one tough cookie.

Current mood: carefree
Listening to: Full Moon by The Black Ghosts

I'm having the time of my life right now. Spending lazy days at home again, what more can I ask for?

Yeah right. As if I can just swallow it all in and pretend like I got nothing to worry about. The truth is, I'm quite unstable nowadays. One minute I'm quiet and serene, next thing I know I'm trembling like a bomb waiting to explode. The cause of all this? Waiting for the IELTS results! It has taken a considerable amount of my reveries these past few days. Just imagining what the outcome would be is practically exhausting. I can't eat, sleep or even think straight. I'm getting burned up by all the negativity and pessimism.

I'm downright scared to hear the news for myself. It wasn't easy. I had a hard time putting up with all the tasks. It was like a hurdle with uncertainties as parameters. I thought I was skilled enough, smart enough, brave enough but none of them equated to how or what the test demanded. I was way over my head. The only thing that keeps me going right now is the firm support and prayers from my family and friends. Their strength ignites some kind of spark that enables me to traverse in this darkness. I hope I can make it. It would be the perfect gift this christmas if I could pass the exam.

I'm really trying to hold myself together but whenever I replay those scenes in my head, I keep falling apart. I've never been unsure and unconfident of myself than I am now. It's heartbreaking and leaves my soul fragile enough to be torn to pieces.

Still, in spite of all skepticism and doubt, there's still one thing more powerful than any other force in the universe - FAITH. Knowing that God’s there to protect and carry me through it all is enough for me to wake up each morning and smile at what the world throws at me. In the face of fear and hopelessness, I can be a brave and mighty warrior.

Lesson: Life is tough, but I can be tougher.

xoxo, Yan